So It Seems...

Ever had one of those days where, no matter how many smiles you project, no matter how many times you say it'll work out, no matter how you rationalize, you know, deep down, it's more than just a "slump"?

Lately, I seem to have the ability to doubt every single aspect of my life: who I am, what I stand for, if I can properly clean my home...I mean everything. I feel trapped. Trapped in a life I don't know how to change; trapped in a life with minimal laughing and fun; trapped in a life that is not fulfilling. I seem to find roadblocks at every turn, and then doubt my intelligence when I can maneuver around them. Don't get me wrong...I'm not sitting around throwing myself a little pity party and I don't mean to sound like the world's biggest complainer - truth is - you would be hard pressed to even hear me complain.

And THAT is what my problem is...when did I lose my fight? When did I lose my spine? What the hell is wrong with me? Am I really accepting this? When did I become ok with boring and unfulfilling and give up my drive? What if I can't change? The thing I fear most in this world is the continual process of becoming emotionless...every day I feel a little less. Every day I become a little more resigned. Every day I fall deeper into the void. How do others bring themselves out of it?

So it seems...for the moment...I am still waiting. I am waiting for the moment that inspiration strikes. To feel something that makes me realize I must act now. To feel...