Lately, I seem to have the ability to doubt every single aspect of my life: who I am, what I stand for, if I can properly clean my home...I mean everything. I feel trapped. Trapped in a life I don't know how to change; trapped in a life with minimal laughing and fun; trapped in a life that is not fulfilling. I seem to find roadblocks at every turn, and then doubt my intelligence when I can maneuver around them. Don't get me wrong...I'm not sitting around throwing myself a little pity party and I don't mean to sound like the world's biggest complainer - truth is - you would be hard pressed to even hear me complain.
And THAT is what my problem is...when did I lose my fight? When did I lose my spine? What the hell is wrong with me? Am I really accepting this? When did I become ok with boring and unfulfilling and give up my drive? What if I can't change? The thing I fear most in this world is the continual process of becoming emotionless...every day I feel a little less. Every day I become a little more resigned. Every day I fall deeper into the void. How do others bring themselves out of it?
So it seems...for the moment...I am still waiting. I am waiting for the moment that inspiration strikes. To feel something that makes me realize I must act now. To feel...
