Too much for a Saturday night

There is a very small part of me that wants to believe in astrology (it is hidden away with that very small part that wants to believe in love at first sight, and yet I'm still skeptical...). After a discussion with a friend, I decided to look up my over/underdeveloped personal characteristics. So, this is what cafeastrology told me:
"A tendency to rely on others who may let us down, to come across as impersonal or distant in our dealings with others, to be fearful of being the center of attention and standing out as an individual, to fear taking risks, and to fall back on peers and community at the expense of our own individuality are some of the issues this position suggests. With this position, we need to avoid falling into the easy trap of worrying about what others think about us. Instead, we need to strike out in our own individual and creative path without fear. We need to make a conscious effort to deal with others in a more personal, involved, and loving manner, rather than falling back on reason and intellect which detaches us from our feelings. We can easily alienate others when we over-emphasize equality to the point that we won't acknowledge individuals' uniqueness. We can too easily lose touch with our own heart by rationalizing our feelings, and become overly involved with other people's problems at the expense of our inner needs for attention. Learning to take personal risks, which requires a certain amount of self-confidence, will help us to achieve inner balance and happiness."

After my first "harumph" and eyeroll (and inner reassurance that this is much too general to describe me), I started thinking...all this time, I thought I was this laid-back, go-with-the-flow person, turns out, I'm a detached people pleaser with no real thoughts or individuality. Well, that sucks. How can you be afraid of attention and yet have inner needs for attention? This is where astrology sucks you in...general enough so that you can infer and project. Well, thank you, cafeastrology for letting me know that I need to throw reason and intellect out the door. So, I'm going to go have a glass of wine (or 4) and get in touch with my feelings. Let's just hope those personal risks I'm going to start taking don't involve drunk dialing. Watch out friends...you may get an unexpected (if not slightly impersonal) text :)

For the birds

In an attempt to prevent myself from crying every time I read a paper from a student, I have to laugh. If it is possible to question my choice of profession more with every paper, this group has succeeded in instilling every doubt I am capable of conjuring. Just when I think it can't get any worse, I simply pick up the next paper. Now, I am the first to admit that I can be a lazy waste, but these kids put me to shame. I may be in my pajamas, reading trash on my couch, but I take pride in the fact that I can at least put a sentence together. Something that doesn't seem to bother my students at all. I suppose they can't be bothered with intellect when there are corn hearts and toilets containing scantily clad blow-up dolls to place around town. What I wouldn't give for that kind of creativity in their homework! I still get excited to go to work, but I have accepted that as long as I live in the middle of nowhere, certain things will always be beyond reach. It's hard to mold minds when they are so small! This shit is for the birds...